Turning Foes into Fuel: Fear, Fail and Other Four-Letter Words

I found myself mindlessly lost in the endless scroll of social media after a long week.

It's not something I'm proud of (certainly a habit I'm trying to shift) but every once in a while I'm struck by something I see. Often hidden in the midst of pointless - or perhaps pointedly - pushed feed I'll encounter something that stops me in my tracks.

This time, it was "Fear" by Khalil Gibran:

It is said that before entering the sea
a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled,
from the peaks of the mountains, the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her, she sees an ocean so vast, that to enter there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.

The river can not go back.

Nobody can go back. To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk of entering the ocean because only then will fear disappear, because that’s where the river will know it’s not about disappearing into the ocean, but of becoming the ocean.

I took a few moments, and read the words again, realizing that this FEAR was not the fear I knew and felt. This was a fear that trembled and did it anyway, a fear that flipped the script on what it new, to discover was it was.

But, of course, another four-letter word, FAIL, looms like a heavy shadow on the horizon. The fear of failure is crippling - with research showing over and over again that it can be a paralyzing factor in keeping from achieving goals, finishing creative endeavors, or even trying something new.

And of course that leads me to a lesser-known four-letter 'F' word: FEEL.

If we don't try, and instead of risking failure avoid the fear, we don't have to feel. The sadness, disappointment or frustration that can be present can be pushed down. We don't have to be vulnerable, wrong, or admit that perhaps, we haven't figure it out yet. But it's no secret that the relationship between our emotional and physical health is direct and reciprocal.

So how do we manage these challenging four-letter F-words, and turn then from foes into fuel?

It starts with our perspective.

Perspective shifts are one of my most utilized tools in the process of navigating change. I like to think of this ability as a powerful ally in confronting what we think we know, and the things we haven't yet learned. Reframing what we THINK we know lets us explore new possibilities. The key? Ditch the judgement and lead with curiosity.

What if there was more behind these loaded words?

Is there only one way to see (or approach) growth and change?

How can my approach influence my results?

Here are my three of my favorite re-frames for these problematic 'F'-words:

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

Our brains work on data from the past, so the quickest way for our brain to organize the world around us is to make matches based on information we already know. Sometimes, this is helpful. Other times, it's false evidence.

Anything we haven't experienced is going to be unknown to us. (Seems obvious, right?) But what if everything were not as it seemed? What if what we didn't understand was just something we hadn't (yet) discovered? Make sure what shows up as fear isn't just something new, disguised as a scary threat. Developing discernment in your system will help you create a world that's full of surprises and opportunities for big shifts.

FAIL: First Attempt In Learning

What if failing (or falling) wasn't a bad thing, just an essential part of the process? Any new skill, endeavor, or point of growth is going to involve trial and error. As Thomas Edison famously said, I've tried everything. I have not failed - I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work." And ask yourself if the failure go for it (and try!) is greater than the risk of failing in the first place.

And one more hot tip: form new data in your system to reframe fear and failure by creating Proof Loops. Wire into your system the evidence that you CAN do it, it IS going to be okay, and you DO come out stronger on the other side. It's an important part of turning these enemies into friends.

FEEL: Find Every Emotional Layer

"Every layer?!" you ask? Every. Single. One. Be a curious explorer of your inner world and shamelessly go where no one has gone before.

What appears as anger may actually be laced with hurt, frustration, or disappointment under the surface. The more we know (and feel), the more we have tools and resources to grow. If you aren't skilled in this area, that's okay. Find support. Getting clear about who you are means knowing what you feel - and what you want. And that will take you wherever it is you want to go.

So let's FEEL. Name it, let it wash over you, and then bless and release it. They'll be something new before too long. It's all part of the greater feeling flow.

Let's FAIL. Let's fail to be complacent, refuse to be held back by things we don't (yet) understand, and learn as we grow.

Let's FEAR. Let's tremble as we dip our toes into the water and realize that we aren't going to get swept away in the current - we ARE the current, in all it's power and potential.

Go ahead. Use those 'F'-words. Turn these foes into fuel and watch yourself fly.